Wallow in your own self-pity, girl

Come 2010, I need to change. For too long I have hidden and lied to myself, because I thought it would eventually make me happy. I have taken things for granted, and I think it has finally consumed me. If I were another person, evaluating how I used to be a year ago, and how I am now - I would much rather be friends with my old self. I wasn't vigilant enough, I created a new self that has become almost annoying. My originality is missing, my insight is missing, my heart. My loneliness has turned me into something that once found peace in desolation, now I crawl like a beggar with any given chance.
Jealousy has ruined my life and it has ruined my art as well. Although I've improved, the value it has to me is far less greater. And all this needs to change before it before I really change into someone who's completely repugnant. I haven't been happy enough with what was in front of me, and I know that if I ever, ever lost it, I would want even these memories back with me. So.. appreciating more is my goal.

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year (: